This is just a quick exchange with a reader of one of my books ...
He wrote:
By the way, I'm amazed at the life you've lived. If I am your mentee, what's the best advice can you give me to "succeed" in life, and I mean not only financially.
I responded:
You are already successful… you can read, you have access to internet, you can type, you speak the language of opportunities: English.
If you think about how far you’ve come since you were a crying baby, you’ve realized how successful you already are. The main problem today is that we have an external locus of control. We compare ourselves to others, that way we loose the capacity to do amazing things. You don’t have to be better than anyone else, you just have to be better than yourself. If you do that you always win…
How is that for a start?
...
What do you think???
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Saturday, July 25, 2009
The power of surprises
I'm working frantically to finalize our program by the middle of September, including several tips on making our lives more enjoyable. Surprises and novelty are amongst the joys of being alive.
Every now and then we need to revert to something unusual. When the kick comes unexpectedly, we are surprise. It is known that differences add depth and enjoyment to life. Take good meals, for example, an earthy casserole tastes better if it is combined with a salad; a savory entrée with a sweet dessert; wine with cheese and apples and grapes. Variety builds up enchantement.
On one side, we like predictability so we can feel secure and plan accordingly, then something kicks in. An external change or the need for chaos. Yes, predictability builds up order, and we can be more efficient. Even so, we can only take so much predictability; it kills our creativity and innovation.
So, we need to revert to something unusual. We all like to be surprised, we don’t acknowledge it that much to the originator, nor we consciously make an effort to be that surprise in another person’s life. When you do something unusual for someone else, you surprise them, they don’t expect it and it triggers a chain of reactions that keeps them alert. It makes their life more enjoyable. Surprises keep us agile and alert. Companies that surprise us capture a space in our minds. They raise above the rest, they treat us in unusual ways, either as customers, employees, suppliers or as part of their community. We need to add more of that, both on our businesses and at our personal level.
Think about surprising someone, and be creative… you will enjoy the process as much as the receiver. Just remember, you can be the change you want in the world. Start now.
Just as I was going to post this, my friend Janet sends me this surprising wedding entry ... make sure you check it out...
and if you have any other surprises, share them up, we'll love to see them.
Every now and then we need to revert to something unusual. When the kick comes unexpectedly, we are surprise. It is known that differences add depth and enjoyment to life. Take good meals, for example, an earthy casserole tastes better if it is combined with a salad; a savory entrée with a sweet dessert; wine with cheese and apples and grapes. Variety builds up enchantement.
On one side, we like predictability so we can feel secure and plan accordingly, then something kicks in. An external change or the need for chaos. Yes, predictability builds up order, and we can be more efficient. Even so, we can only take so much predictability; it kills our creativity and innovation.
So, we need to revert to something unusual. We all like to be surprised, we don’t acknowledge it that much to the originator, nor we consciously make an effort to be that surprise in another person’s life. When you do something unusual for someone else, you surprise them, they don’t expect it and it triggers a chain of reactions that keeps them alert. It makes their life more enjoyable. Surprises keep us agile and alert. Companies that surprise us capture a space in our minds. They raise above the rest, they treat us in unusual ways, either as customers, employees, suppliers or as part of their community. We need to add more of that, both on our businesses and at our personal level.
Think about surprising someone, and be creative… you will enjoy the process as much as the receiver. Just remember, you can be the change you want in the world. Start now.
Just as I was going to post this, my friend Janet sends me this surprising wedding entry ... make sure you check it out...
and if you have any other surprises, share them up, we'll love to see them.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
The paradox of pleasure and pain
As living organisms we have been equipped with a pleasure / pain system. Our emotional pleasure system is short lived; our emotional pains system is long lived. Our physical pleasure system is short lived, our physical pain system is also short lived. It seems that the emotional pain system creates a memory that needs to be managed. Understanding the paradox of pleasure and pain puts our emotions into the appropriate context and helps us live happier lives.
Whilst we are prone to seek pleasure and avoid pain, we have a counteracting mechanism that disarms pleasure and prolongs pain. Not so long ago, in terms of evolution, our survival depended on our capacity to manage pain more than on our capacity to manage pleasure, therefore, our body is biologically structured to over react to pain and under react to pleasure. Our mind plays an important role in these relationships, we also over react to the idea of pain: that is what we call fear.
Media moguls know this well, our news should be called bad news, the prelude to pain captures our attention in a much more robust way that the prelude of pleasure.
The memory of pain is long lived, yet the feeling of pain is not. We create a larger than real expectation of pain in our mind. We don’t need to burn our hand twice to remember it is painful. Pleasure, on the contrary, is short lived, once we experience it, our brain starts to discard the molecules created by it as if they were a toxin. Our de-pleasurizing mechanism is amazingly dissapointing. Exactly the opposite happens to pain, we are wired to avoid it, yet once we experience it, it lingers there and there and there. With some tips we can manage both to have a healthier life.
If we are make to seek pleasure and to avoid pain, we can prolong the joy of pleasure by focusing on the pre pleasure stage and we can reduce the effect of pain by managing our fears before the pain happens – if at all. Once we are into the feeling, the pleasure will cease, the pain will linger.
Psychologists have long studied the effect of the pre-pleasure stage. It is commonly referred to as the anticipation process. When we are planning our vacation, imagining a date, preparing a meal, or setting up a party, we can pre-enjoy our pleasure. We can imagine how we are going to feel that is positive, we can indulge in the process of planning and getting ready. The anticipation process gives meaning to the phrase: “It is the journey, not the destination.” Prolonging our pre-pleasure stage makes sense considering that the pleasurable stage is short lived.
Pain on the contrary is long lived. When we think we might not meet our goal we are actually prolonging our pain both ways, before and after the actual event. Sometimes fears are reasonable, sometimes we exaggerate them…
When we lived in caves it may have made sense to have a raised awareness of fear because of survival. Today, however, we are bombarded by fear that might have absolutely no impact on our lives.
Understanding the paradox of pleasure and pain gives us a powerful tool to live more fulfilling lives. We might not be able to fast track evolution, but we surely can use our brains to work around it. The anticipation of pleasure sets us free, the anticipation of pain makes us worried –helplessly worried. Understanding and managing these differences helps us live healthier and happier lives.
Fall in love with your life,
Alicia
PD: our proof was sent yesterday. We are close to our august launch!
Whilst we are prone to seek pleasure and avoid pain, we have a counteracting mechanism that disarms pleasure and prolongs pain. Not so long ago, in terms of evolution, our survival depended on our capacity to manage pain more than on our capacity to manage pleasure, therefore, our body is biologically structured to over react to pain and under react to pleasure. Our mind plays an important role in these relationships, we also over react to the idea of pain: that is what we call fear.
Media moguls know this well, our news should be called bad news, the prelude to pain captures our attention in a much more robust way that the prelude of pleasure.
The memory of pain is long lived, yet the feeling of pain is not. We create a larger than real expectation of pain in our mind. We don’t need to burn our hand twice to remember it is painful. Pleasure, on the contrary, is short lived, once we experience it, our brain starts to discard the molecules created by it as if they were a toxin. Our de-pleasurizing mechanism is amazingly dissapointing. Exactly the opposite happens to pain, we are wired to avoid it, yet once we experience it, it lingers there and there and there. With some tips we can manage both to have a healthier life.
If we are make to seek pleasure and to avoid pain, we can prolong the joy of pleasure by focusing on the pre pleasure stage and we can reduce the effect of pain by managing our fears before the pain happens – if at all. Once we are into the feeling, the pleasure will cease, the pain will linger.
Psychologists have long studied the effect of the pre-pleasure stage. It is commonly referred to as the anticipation process. When we are planning our vacation, imagining a date, preparing a meal, or setting up a party, we can pre-enjoy our pleasure. We can imagine how we are going to feel that is positive, we can indulge in the process of planning and getting ready. The anticipation process gives meaning to the phrase: “It is the journey, not the destination.” Prolonging our pre-pleasure stage makes sense considering that the pleasurable stage is short lived.
Pain on the contrary is long lived. When we think we might not meet our goal we are actually prolonging our pain both ways, before and after the actual event. Sometimes fears are reasonable, sometimes we exaggerate them…
When we lived in caves it may have made sense to have a raised awareness of fear because of survival. Today, however, we are bombarded by fear that might have absolutely no impact on our lives.
Understanding the paradox of pleasure and pain gives us a powerful tool to live more fulfilling lives. We might not be able to fast track evolution, but we surely can use our brains to work around it. The anticipation of pleasure sets us free, the anticipation of pain makes us worried –helplessly worried. Understanding and managing these differences helps us live healthier and happier lives.
Fall in love with your life,
Alicia
PD: our proof was sent yesterday. We are close to our august launch!
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
The magic of small tasks
Small tasks can do wonders to alleviate a sense of sadness or melancholy. By doing so, our brain is distracted preventing the front lobe to seek negative thoughts from long term memory. The trick is to pick a small task that we are most likely to finish, it is not the time to make important decisions, but to get things done!
When we are sad our body feels like shutting down. It is in those times of reflection that the front lobe wants to make sure the feeling is valid. To so, it calls the long term memory and brings up images from times where the emotion was similar… Chances are that because we are alive, we do accumulate both positive and negative memories.
The search on the bank of memories –yes, at the back of our brain- happens when we are down, have you noticed that when we are positive we do not need to rely on previous experiences? We don’t need reassurance when we are ecstatic or thrilled. It seems that we do not store overjoy anywhere. We just feel it.
When we are gloomy, frustrated or sad, our brain gets very busy leveraging on our misery, bringing past experiences that have nothing to do with the present to validate our feelings. In such circumstances our body asks for inactivity, so it can do the energy-depleting exercise of sorting out our memories to find exactly the ones that are aligned with the emotion that is holding us down.
Perhaps that was a good coping mechanism when we lived in caverns, and we weren’t able to sit and watch TV and open the fridge to grab a bite. It was probably the time to paint, to think, and to sulk. Without any activity, however, our brain keeps wiring back and validating our emotions. In the times of the caverns –or actually in some regions- the sense of sadness can only last as long as we don’t have to get up and go out to seek food.
Unlike the pre-historic times, however, we are now aware of how our brain works and how we can manage our thoughts to manage our feelings.
When our ancestors painted and did manual work they were counteracting sadness and melancholy. It is because both problem solving uses the same area in our brain that is used to search in the bank of our term memory. Without much energy to embark in problem solving, we might as well rest. Yet, inaction, even mental inaction is not a cure for sadness. That is when small tasks become a blessing.
When we are gloomy, taking care of a small short task is magical. We get our brain to work on finishing a small task instead of allowing it to seek for reasons or validations that we can’t change, as they are in the past. Whether it is cleaning a drawer, making a pie, fixing that door, planting a pot, or completing a puzzle, keeping your mind occupied on doing something that you can finish magically wipes away the sadness.
A moment of sadness is the perfect time to finish up that small task that has been in our to-do list. Your brain will be busy sorting out how to finish it, and you will feel accomplished... this is one of the secrets of finding happiness and preventing depression.
If you are sad, take action and embark on a small task.
When we are sad our body feels like shutting down. It is in those times of reflection that the front lobe wants to make sure the feeling is valid. To so, it calls the long term memory and brings up images from times where the emotion was similar… Chances are that because we are alive, we do accumulate both positive and negative memories.
The search on the bank of memories –yes, at the back of our brain- happens when we are down, have you noticed that when we are positive we do not need to rely on previous experiences? We don’t need reassurance when we are ecstatic or thrilled. It seems that we do not store overjoy anywhere. We just feel it.
When we are gloomy, frustrated or sad, our brain gets very busy leveraging on our misery, bringing past experiences that have nothing to do with the present to validate our feelings. In such circumstances our body asks for inactivity, so it can do the energy-depleting exercise of sorting out our memories to find exactly the ones that are aligned with the emotion that is holding us down.
Perhaps that was a good coping mechanism when we lived in caverns, and we weren’t able to sit and watch TV and open the fridge to grab a bite. It was probably the time to paint, to think, and to sulk. Without any activity, however, our brain keeps wiring back and validating our emotions. In the times of the caverns –or actually in some regions- the sense of sadness can only last as long as we don’t have to get up and go out to seek food.
Unlike the pre-historic times, however, we are now aware of how our brain works and how we can manage our thoughts to manage our feelings.
When our ancestors painted and did manual work they were counteracting sadness and melancholy. It is because both problem solving uses the same area in our brain that is used to search in the bank of our term memory. Without much energy to embark in problem solving, we might as well rest. Yet, inaction, even mental inaction is not a cure for sadness. That is when small tasks become a blessing.
When we are gloomy, taking care of a small short task is magical. We get our brain to work on finishing a small task instead of allowing it to seek for reasons or validations that we can’t change, as they are in the past. Whether it is cleaning a drawer, making a pie, fixing that door, planting a pot, or completing a puzzle, keeping your mind occupied on doing something that you can finish magically wipes away the sadness.
A moment of sadness is the perfect time to finish up that small task that has been in our to-do list. Your brain will be busy sorting out how to finish it, and you will feel accomplished... this is one of the secrets of finding happiness and preventing depression.
If you are sad, take action and embark on a small task.
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